Goodbye for now brother...

On October 23rd my family and I were driving home from my brother-in-law Curt's mission homecoming. We were all laughing and having such a great time together when I received a devastating phone call that my brother Kelly had passed away. Shocked, upset, and in denial, I was frozen for the rest of the ride home wondering how my brother who had just turned 40 one week earlier could be gone? It was oh so sudden and much too soon and completely unexpected. You never expect that one day you will wake up and someone you love will be gone. But, after a funeral in Georgia, a memorial and burial here in Utah, spending precious time with family, and trying to accept his death, I have an even greater resolve to live everyday with an outpouring of love and with NO regrets.
Suffice it to say that family needs love. Family needs acceptance and forgiveness. Family needs commitment and unconditional love. We need each other through the good and bad, thick and thin, happy and sad, until the end. I love my family. I love my brother Kelly. He was a great person with a big smile and an even bigger heart. I will miss you Kelly, thanks for your laughs, your love, and your memories. I will cherish them always.

Words cannot express what I am feeling in my heart.
I have a vision of your laugh and then it mends a broken part.
I remember things you said; I remember your sweet smile,
Then the tears begin to flow ~ but only for a little while.

It’s just because I miss you, I can’t call you on the phone,
I can’t just drop by later thinking maybe you’ll be home.
It hurts to know you’re gone and that you won’t be coming back
My thoughts just seem to drift, I am distracted and off track.

You were a joy to everyone, a friend and someone who was real,
Knowing just when you should stand up tall, and when to bend and kneel.
There was happiness and laughter mixed with tears that fell like rain,
Moments when you were so proud and when you couldn't bear the pain.

I wish you could come back and hug me for a little while
Because if you were here with us this would no longer be a trial.
We could all just laugh together at the jokes that you would say
And we could go down to the park and watch the little kiddies play.

We would comment on the weather, reminisce and see the view,
We could go take in a movie, or hike up a mountain too.
We could go out running together, or eat big bowls of ice-cream!
Or we could sit and share our thoughts of things you dreamt of in your dream.

I know this all sounds selfish because I miss you oh so much!
But I know that healing time will soon extend a gentle touch.
I know I must be strong, have faith and soon will come a day,
When we all will be united and together we can stay.

But until then my dear brother I send my loving thoughts to you,
Through a laugh, a tear, or smile ~a message genuine and true.
I will not forget your spirit; I will not forget your heart,
You were a hero as my brother; I loved you from the very start.

Now will you do me one last favor from the heavens where you roam?
Would you simply be an instrument to guide us all back home?
We are on the path together; the directions are precise,
But at times we need reminded of the Savior’s sacrifice.

We need to be reminded how to give so selflessly,
And to reach out to each other and discern with clarity,
Of how we all should live and just where we want to be
Gathered in the mansions where we will glimpse eternity.

So Dear Kelly, big brother, I hope you somehow will know
That I’m doing my best to both hold on and let you go.
For as much as I miss you, I hold you closer than ever
With the hope for our family to be together forever.


By Susette Trickett
November3, 2011