Concerning Motherhood...

When I was a little girl...I used to love to make believe that I was "the mom." :)

I remember tenderly taking care of all of my babies from the Cabbage Patch doll, to Rainbow Bright herself...to the handmade doll that my mother gave me for Christmas one year.

Those are some great memories.:)

I also remember when I was little, making long lists of names for my future children...

among them I remember:

Jessica

Shale (???)

Whitney and Brittany (for my twin girls of course :) ...

and I very specifically remember planning that I would have 4 children!

2 boys and 2 girls.

They would each be born 2 years apart, and we would live happily ever after. The End. :)

I'm glad that Heavenly Father had a much better plan for me instead...:)

Here is a picture of my sweet children...5 in all...not 4...:)

Gavin Ryker, Kierra Nicole, Kambriella Noel, Carew James, and Dallin Clint

MY SWEETIES :)

My children were definitely NOT born 2 years apart! We have every mix BUT 2 years! :)

Kierra and Carew : 1 year and 1 month apart

Carew and Dallin : 4 years and 10 days apart

Dallin and Gavin : 2 years and 6 months apart

Gavin and Kambriella : 3 years and 3 months apart

No matter the age... no matter the birth order..no matter the number of days or years that separate these siblings...

The bond of eternal family and true charity and love is strong.

They are learning each and every day under the direction of a mother and father some of the most valuable life's lessons both for this life and for eternity.

They are learning how to love, how to forgive, how to ask for forgiveness...

How to share, how to shine, how to STOP being selfish and be SELFLESS...

They are learning how to trust, how to study, how to pray, learn and grow...how to ask questions and how to find answers... how to help others, how to cook and clean and do laundry...and how to clean a toilet the RIGHT way, even if it means that you had to go back and do it 3 times. ;)

There are so many things that a mother is responsible for, and every single day I feel that this is my number one most important job. It is also the hardest job that I have, 

but also one of the most gratifying. 

As I read the conference talk from Tad R. Calister titled,

 "Parents: The Prime Gospel Teachers of Their Children," I agreed wholeheartedly with his words...

" As their prime gospel teachers, we can teach them the power and reality of the Atonement - of their identity and divine destiny - and in so doing give them a rock foundation upon which to build. When all is said and done, the home is the ideal forum for teaching the gospel of Jesus Christ."

Also, as influenced by stories from this talk...I love to hear my little Gavin praying out loud for Heavenly Father to help him find a good wife one day. :) I think he has heard it said enough by his father too that marrying the right person will be one of the single most important decisions that he will ever make in his life ! :) 

So, as I have prayed about and contemplated my role as a mother, and the very important calling that I have, I have also asked myself many questions that I still to this day seek answers to...

"Do they all know how much I really love them?"

"Do I do enough individually for each of them to be able when needed to stand on their own?"

"Are they all here?"

"When does a mother KNOW that her family is complete?"

"Am I radiating joy in motherhood so that my daughters will be excited and want that to be their main priority one day too?"

I have found that some questions will always remain because they are a constant.
I believe that I can never tell my children enough, of all of the love that I have for them...so I will continue to tell them and show them each and every day...

I constantly look at them and wonder..."Are they all here??? Who is missing???"
As Clint and I have personally and privately talked about this and prayed about this and gone to the temple seeking answers to this very question, our feelings have been tender and mixed...I think mostly because the work of a mother and father are never really "done."

Over the last year or so, Clint and I have discussed our children, whether or not to have any more...and I know that I have to think in an eternal perspective as I seek my answers because Heavenly Father's will is the one I want for my own...

I love my family more than I can say...
They truly bring me so much joy :)

As each day passes and life moves forward at it's ever quickening pace, I become more and more aware of my role as a mother. I am very aware that they need me. And I need them.

As we seek to learn and grow, and find answers to all of our questions in life, we will learn and grow together, and find our answers all along the way...as we experience this mortal journey together...JOYFULLY enjoying the journey!

I do not know everything that Heavenly Father has in His plan for me, but I do know that He loves me deeply, and that He is proud of me for embracing my role as a mother.

I know that He smiles at me when I give the love to each child individually that He would give to them personally if He were here.

 I know that my plans as a little girl were "a good idea..." but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Heavenly Father's plan for me is the best thing for me.

I'm so grateful for the calling of motherhood and for the opportunity to share in the sacred and important responsibility of trying to help my children return to the presence of our loving Heavenly Father. With the gospel to guide, and Clint by my side...we will get there... together! :)